Although there are many places you can run and hide during a Zombie Apocalypse only one place ranks #1 on my list. I have decided that if this catastrophic time of destruction takes place I will be taking shelter in a self-storage facility. Here are the top 5 rules I think everyone should follow when selecting the perfect storage facility to protect them during a zombie apocalypse.
Rule # 1 Must be Safe and Secure.
This is a no-brainer. When it comes to fighting off zombies the first thing that comes to mind is the necessity to keep myself and my possessions safe and secure. Generally made of concrete and other sturdy materials, which zombies can’t break through, a storage facility is a perfect place to set up camp because it cannot be easily damaged. Another bonus security feature is the lack of windows in units, no undead can break in and attack.
To add to the security of it all; many self-storage facilities are gated! A gated storage facility is much like a fortress. Keep the badness out by making sure the gate is secure and do not, under any circumstance, give your gate passcode to anyone especially if they appear to be decaying. If you are willing to give your code to others all willy nilly, I do not want you on my zombie fighting team. That is valuable information, and heaven forbids it gets into an infected person’s hands. Let’s not forget that storage units inside the facility should also lock. Say one of your group members does get infected but you want to wait it out a bit to see if a cure becomes available, you could easily lock them in a unit without issue. Just another example of how this is keeping everything safe from harm’s way.
One last note on security, if you can find a facility that also has security cameras, please SIGN ME UP! What a great way to have clear sight lines of the entire facility and the surrounding areas. You’ll never miss a potential zombie takeover and you’ll always know who or what is surrounding the facility.
Rule #2 Pick a Familiar Location.
You wouldn’t want to be fighting zombies in an unknown area, would you? Pick a storage facility where the surroundings are familiar. You never know how quickly you’ll need to get back to the facility. Is the storage facility down the street from the local grocery store? Perfect! Run a few errands, pick up some non-perishable food items and high tail it back to your fortress storage facility for safe keeping. Fortunately, there are many different self-storage facilities surrounding most metropolitan areas. A simple search on emove.com or uhaul.com can help you find the closest facility to you (so long as the Internet works during a Zombie Apocalypse).
Rule # 3 Must Have Easy Access Points.
According to Ruben Fleisher, best known for the movie Zombieland, one of your best defenses in the event of a zombie attack is to run in wide circles. Look for a storage facility that has a layout that is easy to navigate. Facilities that have wide hallways allow for an easy turning radius much like that of a track and field path. This allows you the needed area to run on an infinite track until you can devise a plan to fend off walkers.
A storage facility that has easy opening doors is very important. First and foremost I want to be able to get into a unit as fast as possible. I need to be able to access my stored goods quickly in order to defend myself. Easy-opening doors make this possible. Fortunately, many self-storage facilities have easy door systems like the common roll-up door.
I don’t know about you, but I also plan to store some pretty hefty equipment needed to ward off these hungry flesh eaters. It is a widely accepted fact that lawn equipment is one of the most effective tools used for defensive maneuvers during zombie attacks. You can find a perfect example displayed in Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive in which the main character easily defeats hundreds of bloodthirsty undead with the sole help of an ordinary lawn mower. These types of instruments are heavy, so lugging them upstairs is just not going to happen. A storage facility that has ground level units or even an elevator to the second floor is very useful. You wouldn’t want to expend all your energy dragging that up a staircase. Or even worse, suffer a debilitating injury.
Rule #4 Comfort is King.
Even though it’s the Zombipocalypse there is no reason to be uncomfortable, protection from extreme temperatures and situations is vital. Keep yourself and your possessions in the clear by having access to climate controlled units. You may be there awhile and there is nothing worse than some funk growing on you or your remaining possessions. Oh, and don’t forget some units allow for electricity. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I stumble upon a facility with this added bonus. It would be nice to keep my equipment charged and ready for when I need it. Not to mention there is no need to skip out on life’s little pleasures just because the world may be coming to an end, I need that morning coffee!
Rule #5 Facility Must Be Clean and Have a Professional Staff.
You don’t need any extra clutter tripping you up making you easy bait for the zombies. Having clear and neat hallways along with clearly marked exit signs is a must for survival. You may be wondering why a professional staff is important during a zombie apocalypse. Are you thinking you want to go at it alone right? A tight-knit professional staff allows you to become familiar with one another. This way if something goes wrong, i.e someone starts acting a little funny and you suspect they are infected, you can handle the situation by feeling like you are part of a team with the staff. You’ll also know they will be able to make the right decision and get to a solution. Many self-storage facilities have live-in managers, which makes your team pre-assembled and accessible 24/7.
Don’t get me wrong, I know there are other suitable places to run to during a zombie apocalypse, but what I’m really trying to convey is; make sure you have a clear idea of what will keep priceless articles safe from harm’s way. Make a list of must-haves, wants and needs. Call a few self-storage facilities and ask about their amenities. Maybe even set up a time to take a tour. If you’re an owner or manager of a facility, take note of what tenants are requesting. Even put yourself in their shoes, what would you look for in a storage facility? And finally, yes, if a Zombipocalypse were to hit North America, I would go forth and find the nearest self-storage facility because they are safe, secure, close to home, and clearly laid out.
When Andrea isn’t busy plotting how to survive a zombie attack, she is helping others as an Operations Analyst for the U-Haul Self-Storage Affiliate Network. Along with her duties as an operations analyst, Andrea manages the U-Haul Self-Storage Affiliate Network’s social media pages. She is currently studying at Gannon University earning her MBA in Marketing and has previous experience in marketing and event planning. In her free time she enjoys going bowling and has recently hit her highest score of 150.